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Posts Tagged ‘in media res’

It’s a totally different city, two totally different dudes, and yet it appears that these conversations keep popping up everywhere as if part of the collective unconsciousness.  I was downtown in Vermont’s capitol city getting some quarters and Nutella (can’t properly do laundry in a dorm without both) and as I was passing I caught just this snippet from a couple of local Joe’s.

Joe Rock: Am I an ass to who?

Joe Paper: That’s not what I said.  I said Are you an ass-man, not Are you an ass, man.

Joe Rock: Oh!

Isn’t it a wonderful thing what punctuation and intonation can do with the English language?

Once again, twice in less than a week, twenty-something guys engaged publicly in conversation over the most sublime of topics.  And, again, without any sense of shame or embarrassment that others can hear them, or that perhaps they might find themselves judged accordingly.

Okay, listen, I’m a guy.  I’m not saying I didn’t participate in my share of conversations like this.  In fact, I recall having this very same tits-or-ass conversation with some friends of mine… when we were 12 years old and hanging out at Boy Scout camp safely several hundred miles away from anyone who could hear us.  Twelve would be an appropriate age for hormonally-challenged males to be considering the deeper issues of life.  Twelve would make sense of mermaids and the first blush of body fascination.  But to still be having these conversations in your twenties strikes me a type of social retardation, or perhaps a prolonged state of immaturity. And pathetic.

Can I blame this on vapid entertainment, on television shows that sexualize the world and make it okay at the same time to remain in a state of suspended maturity?

Joe Rock, Joe Paper: you’re both asses. And hardly men.

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The travel day starts on the T, where some college Joe’s are talking on the way into downtown.  For the sake of not wanting to embarrass the institution they belonged to I will not identify it here.  Suffice to say, they are students from a school in Boston.

Joe Paper: So, listen.  Like, which would you… which would you rather ‘do:’ Classic mermaid or, like, you know, the other way around?

Joe Rock: Which would I rather… what?

Joe Scissors: You know that mermaid?  Ariel?  She’s totally hot.

Joe Paper: Do, like who would you do?

Joe Scissors: The other kind?

Joe Paper: Classic mermaid is, you know, girl on top fish on the bottom.  And the other way is–

Joe Rock: Classic.

Joe Scissors:  The other way?  Like fish on top and girl on bottom?  Is that a mermaid?

Joe Paper: Yeah.

Joe Rock: Classic.  No hassles there.

Joe Paper: But, like, how would you do her?  She’s fish!

Joe Scissors: Fish on top?  Like, face and all?

Joe Rock: Dude, classic.  She can just, whatever.  Lay her eggs and whatnot.  She’s still got a mouth.

Joe Paper: Yeah, but the other way…

Joe Rock: You’d hump a fish?  That’s all it is.  A fish with legs–

Joe Paper: And an ass.

Joe Rock: Classic.  All the way.  That Ariel, you know?

Joe Scissors: Totally hot.  What was she, like fifteen?

Joe Rock: Classic.

Joe Paper: This our stop?

High school guys, I could understand.  These guys were talking about their classes and the new semester and were clearly older college students.  What the hell is wrong with these three dudes that (a) they think this is a valid conversation to have (b) in public and (c) without a shred of embarrassment?

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