The following are words I have either invented, borrowed, or adopted to suit my needs. They may be common in my usage or one-offs, but they are mine and I love them all equally.
updated 18 March 2011
bastages! – anyone who aggravates, usually through their codified behavior such as corporate bosses, bureaucrats, politicians, and any other authority figure; idiot demons; bastards. always said in the plural, always with an exclamation point when written or said. This actually came out of my mouth one day in a retail environment when I was frustrated and caught myself while it was half way out of my mouth. There were little kids around, so I was trying to play it off like it was a goofy word. I can’t believe those bastages! are trying to schedule our lunch breaks an hour into our shifts!
bloggerrhea – pathologically incoherent, repetitious speech on a blog; incessant or compulsive talkativeness on a blog; wearisome volubility on a blog. A cross between the word blogger and logorrhea, whose definition is identical, except not on a blog. Her website is such a prime example of bloggerrhea that psychology classes at the university are using it as an example of pathological “word salad” disorder.
chowdermonkey – a dunce; blockhead; numbskull. Used much the same way you might use the word dunderhead, the word is actually a play on powder monkey, an old expression referring to a boy employed on colonial-era warships to carry gunpowder from the magazine to the guns. For some reason the idea of a person lugging chowder around from place to place stuck me as a nice synonym for a blockhead. Get that chowdermonkey friend of yours out of the way so I can mow this lawn!
dingledork – a dork to the nth degree. In that a dork is a stupid or ridiculous person, a jerk or a nerd, the dingledork is the ultimate in dorkdom. Did you hear how Jeremy went to the Gap to buy some clothes and he bought them all from the women’s department and didn’t realize it? What a dingledork!
interhood – a gathering place on the Internet that appears with some frequency, a portmanteau word combining ‘internt’ and ‘neighborhood.’ I was checking out some awesome new poems in the Poetry Friday interhood the other day…
jerkwad – an insult, from the same insult family as scum bag in that they could be used interchangeably. A scum bag is, literally, a used condom; a jerkwad is a boy’s used kleenex following masturbation. Don’t be such a jerkwad, Finn.
jerkworm – variant of jerkwad, used when referring to third parties who are not present. Why does the vice principal have to act like such a jerkworm all the time?
nangst – a combination of the words nerd and angst; a description of middle grade and young adult fiction featuring nerd-ish characters (typically male) who suffer through as a sort of outsider observer of their world. “Miracle Wimp” is a typical example of the sort of modern nangst aimed at teenage boys these days.
NSFK – acronym meaning Not Safe For Kids, a variant of NSFW (Not Safe For Work) to indicate the inappropriateness of materials for a given environment. I think teens would enjoy reading Jim Knipfel’s “Quiting the Nairobi Trio” but equally suspect most parents would consider it NSFK.
obliviods – another portmanteau crossing the word oblivious with android. Sort of. Obliviods tend to be the primary form of adult in middle grade and young adult fiction, grown-ups who are oblivious to those around them (especially their children) or function purely to drive a particular plot point forward in a benign manner. Parents, teachers and school administrators in particular. Rarely will you find a middle grade book, especially in what would normally be considered “realistic fiction,” an adult character serving as anything but a typical obliviod clueless to the goings on.
squinties – eyes; to focus one’s attention on something. This is appropriated from the parody of Star Trek known as Star Drek, a familiar feature of the Dr. Demento radio program in the mid- to late-70s. The first actual use of the term is when Captain Jerk is ogling an alien femme on another planet: Look, Schlock! Here comes a car… feast your Vulcan squinties on that driver! I’ve always loved that phrase, feast your squinties, because it has a certain bebop jazz slang feel to it. For the full transcript of Star Drek, look no further than here.
techinept – the inability to fully understand a piece of technology, esp. computers; those who do not speak or understand what the tech support people are saying. I need to do something about increasing the virtual memory (whatever that is) but I’m so techinept I don’t even know where to go looking for it in the system files.
original content c. 2008 – 2011 david elzey
turdmuffin – negative term of affection, akin to calling someone a silly goose. Derivation from the phrase cow pie, or meadow muffin. How this entered the household I’m not certain. Oh, stop being such a terdmuffin and take out the trash already.
TWI – acronym for Tubes and Wires of the Internet, a play off an incredibly inarticulate statement made by Senator Ted Stevens as Chairman of the Senate Commerce Committee describing the Internet as a “series of tubes.” That committee oversees regulation of the internet. My adding “and wires” is poetic license, though I’ve seen others use it as well. Use of the term or its acronym can be used to indicate a level of ignorance, or just to have fun. So yesterday I spent half the day trolling the TWI for pictures of cats eating cheeseburgers.