Regular visitors to fomagrams on Thursdays know I’m working my way through reimagining every story collected by the Brothers Grimm. One of the side effects of constantly immersing myself in the forests of the Grimmoire is the occasional bleed-through into other aspects of my writing. This week’s poem for example, the incident reports from the Grimmoire Police Department.
A local witch claimed
two children broke off pieces of her home.
Police noted damage to the gingerbread house
as the result of being an attractive nuisance.
A princess reported being harassed
by a frog who insisted on being kissed.
After failing to provide positive ID
police sent the frog hopping with a warning.
The bears reported a break-in at their cottage.
Police noted a broken chair and tousled bedspreads
were sticky and covered in gingerbread crumbs.
Police recommended the bears change their locks.
A large pumpkin tethered to a dozen mice
was found dumped in front of the palace.
Following witness accounts police are looking
for the owner of a glass slipper for questioning.
A wolf was reported sighted wearing
a “granny nightgown and a nightcap.”
Police discovered a hirsute woman on her porch
sweeping up half-chewed gumdrops and gingerbread.
Responding to reports of a domestic dispute
police arrived to find the fisherman’s wife
accusing her husband of being a liar and a drunk
for insisting he met a wish-granting flounder.
Two children who said their parents left them
in the forest to die were questioned by the police
on unrelated incidents when it was noted
their faces and hands were sticky with candy.
I never did trust that Hansel and Gretel. I mean, honestly, the only way we know any of the details of that story have to come from those two little forest scamps.